CEVO Articles

February the 14th, “V-Day”, a day of infamy. At best, a day of nerve-wracking angst; at worst, a day of emotional (or financial) massacre. This is for the few, the proud, the Dating – young men who must carefully balance the need to game with the need to avoid the wrath of a sweetheart – young men who must wisely allocate their limited resources to satisfy the urge to frag while simultaneously adhering to the expected procurement of frivolities fueled by the rampant consumerism of so-called “modern” society. This is the Secret Life of the College Gamer.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is here guys. For most of us, this day is nothing but an excuse to receive chocolate from mom and maybe a crisp, brand-new $1 bill from grandma, and a prime opportunity to entertain thoughts of introducing a certain winged, golden-coiffed, bow and heart-shaped-arrowhead wielding creature of mythology to the enlightening effects of a well-aimed AWP… BOOM HEADSHOT!!!

For the other ten of you who have actually been kissed by someone other than your mom, I’m sure Valentine’s Day is very special to you. Even so, I know you’re a Gamer and probably face significant roadblocks, be they financial or creative, to finding that perfect gift for your Sweetheart. So I’m going to share with you some tried and true, last-minute, broke college student, no-job-cuz-I-play-Call-of-Duty-4-all-day Valentine’s Day gift solutions.

(more…)

Parents – the only threat more serious to the Gamer than the expectations of class, and the only beings capable of inducing more shame than our peers. This is for the age-old question of whether to move out and suffer the hardships of broke living, or stay at home and bear the incessant nagging from which there is no escape. This is the Secret Life of the College Gamer.

Parents represent the chink in our armor. No one views the Gamer lifestyle with more disgust than those who tend to foot the bill. Reminders about who’s roof we live under and threats of being “cut off” are enough to bring even the most dedicated Gamer down. The only plausible defense is to get a job, but I’ve already addressed that challenge in my second issue, Will Game for Food. Let’s face it, unless the beggar business is booming, money for a college gamer is harder to find than chicks that play Counter-Strike (if you are a chick who plays Counter-Strike and I have offended you then please email me ASAP for a heartfelt, personal apology).

Take, for example, the time I tried to explain to my parents that by playing 14 hours of video games a day, I was in fact NOT wasting my life away… I was conducting valuable research towards an extremely lucrative future career. My father openly laughed in my face while my mom sat open-mouthed and silent with a look of terrified bewilderment on her face. About an hour later, after dad stopped laughing, I told them I was serious. This resulted in both of them laughing and a two week period of my friends asking me why I was being so emo.

(more…)

The need to eat and the need to game - in the mind of a gamer, these two basic requirements of life constantly compete for attention, often with disasterous results. This is for the times you wish you could enter the world of San Andreas if, for no other reason, than to order a Cluckin’ Huge Meal at Cluckin’ Bell. This is the Secret Life of the College Gamer.

Contrary to the stereotype of wastefulness, the Gamer is extremely wise when it comes to money. Who else can so skillfully balance the need to game with the mere act of staying alive? Money is conserved by never going out, not buying toiletries, and, of course, purposely not getting a girlfriend. Sadly, this is nothing more than petty cash compared to what the Gamer must spend. New consoles and constant computer upgrades deplete our budgets faster than a 40-ounce in Lindsey Lohan’s sweet little fingers.

With a lifestyle that promotes little or no work ethic, a lack of funds can really bring a Gamer down. So fear not Gamers! Let’s discover how we can put a few greenbacks back into the bank.

(more…)

Class, annoying roommates, and the pressure of a social life - the stresses and trials of a college student are enough to drive most people insane. Normal, well-liked, class-attending students have a hard enough time at school, but we aren’t “normal” people. We are the few and the proud. This is the secret life of The College Gamer.

There is one major factor which makes college suck - CLASS. Who really wants to sit through three hours of instruction every day? Besides the rigors of learning, we must contend with boring professors and brainless rules like no sleeping in class. Even this would be bearable if it wasn’t for the work. Boring teachers, no sleeping, and now we have tests and papers? Ridiculous!

(more…)