A Gamer’s Valentine’s Day
February 12th, 2008 by Guest Contributor Matt JohansonFebruary the 14th, “V-Day”, a day of infamy. At best, a day of nerve-wracking angst; at worst, a day of emotional (or financial) massacre. This is for the few, the proud, the Dating – young men who must carefully balance the need to game with the need to avoid the wrath of a sweetheart – young men who must wisely allocate their limited resources to satisfy the urge to frag while simultaneously adhering to the expected procurement of frivolities fueled by the rampant consumerism of so-called “modern” society. This is the Secret Life of the College Gamer.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is here guys. For most of us, this day is nothing but an excuse to receive chocolate from mom and maybe a crisp, brand-new $1 bill from grandma, and a prime opportunity to entertain thoughts of introducing a certain winged, golden-coiffed, bow and heart-shaped-arrowhead wielding creature of mythology to the enlightening effects of a well-aimed AWP… BOOM HEADSHOT!!!
For the other ten of you who have actually been kissed by someone other than your mom, I’m sure Valentine’s Day is very special to you. Even so, I know you’re a Gamer and probably face significant roadblocks, be they financial or creative, to finding that perfect gift for your Sweetheart. So I’m going to share with you some tried and true, last-minute, broke college student, no-job-cuz-I-play-Call-of-Duty-4-all-day Valentine’s Day gift solutions.
Has the 14th of February rolled up on you a little too quickly? Don’t worry! Take a lesson from your past. Who says you never learn anything useful in class? Remember back to every Elementary school holiday celebration that you were lucky enough to make a construction paper card for… this is your inspiration! In a time of desperation, nothing is more crucial than that which is fast and, more importantly, FREE. That priceless element is Human Ingenuity.
Please examine the template I have provided here. All you need to do is add something deeply profound and lovingly thoughtful. Experiment with “I” and “you” in conjunction with this template and see what you get. “Will you be my Valentine?” is your bread and butter if you can’t make my previous suggestion work. Be sure to spice your card up a bit with a little personal flair. Try “Love, [your name]” at the bottom if you’re having writer’s block. And remember, when you give her your masterpiece, remind her that something you created with your own hands is far more meaningful than mere material gain.
If you don’t have the time for a card, then there’s only one other option. Like my previous solution, this is also free and surprisingly fast. But be warned – it does require a sacrifice on your part. But worry not, for this sacrifice is not so big compared to the miracle of you actually having a girlfriend.
One of the most redeeming qualities of Valentine’s Day is that it’s a perfect excuse to send and receive candy, preferably chocolate. Those chocolates happen to be the only thing some of us look forward to on this holiday, and they just might save your rear. If you’ve properly sucked up to your mom, your aunt, and the old lady across the street then chances are good that you’ll have a few pieces of chocolate to part with and maybe even a spare box to give up! Don’t think of it as re-gifting… no, it is merely proof of how you can wisely balance your resources to provide emotional and material satisfaction to your Sweetheart while maintaining focus on the more important things in life: expanding your collection of games.
If you were only lucky enough to receive one box of chocolates this year, then it is permissible (but not advisable) to eat half of it before you give it to your Sweetheart. WARNING! If you try this, then I highly recommend you make no mention of her weight when she asks you why she’s holding half a box of chocolates! Instead, remark on how you only wanted to make sure the chocolates were good enough for her and it required adequate testing. If she’s not buying it, then stun her with some poetry you read online and tell her you wrote it for her.
Before I part, here are a few final thoughts. For those of you with real-life, non-inflatable girlfriends, go forth and be happy with the wisdom I have imparted. For those of you who are alone this V-Day, or celebrating with your WoW girlfriend, take heart in the knowledge that your precious gaming finances will not be lost to the chaotic sea of young love. And for those of you who happen to be female, I hope you have a boyfriend, but if not then know there is an easy fix; he’s only a quick email away, has a great sense of humor, and would love to send you an original Valentine’s Day card. Until next time, love yourself, love your Sweetheart, and love your gaming!
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This was beautiful, I really almost had a tear in my eye when I realized that I wasnt the only one who thought like that.
I had the joys of gaming on Valentines day, but I still wish I had a girl friend so I could LAN with her, haha. “Boom headshot! Oh, sorry babe.”
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